I'm Moving Forward

Wow it's been a while since I've been on here and I now I feel I'm ready to blog again. The last couple of months have been a bit of blur like Woah!! have they flown by and honestly I can't believe how much has happened. For the last couple of months I've been in the wilderness with God and at times it's been very hard but I now know its happened for a reason. In this period God taught me to persevere during the really tough times but also to let go of the past and look forward to the future I have in him. I've been 20 for two weeks now and I've really just been reflecting on my life and looking ahead. For me a lot has happened to me this year that has left feeling very broken at times but thinking about sometimes when God has big plans for you he has to put you through some stuff and leave you feeling broken before putting his foundations in you and building you up to be all that He made you to be. The next 10 years of my life are going to very important in every aspect of life but I know just based on this year alone that no matter what happens I will be with Jesus every step of the way.

The Journey is not easy

At the moment life should be brilliant but it's not. Like I'm studying music and it's pretty much like one massive jam because all the best musicians and singer doing my course are christian so its just a brilliant environment to be in. I'm also signed to a football club on a youth development contract and its going very well and from that got several big clubs interested in me. Last week Saturday I got injured playing football within 15mins of the match. I sustained ligament damage in my right ankle after a nasty challenge. I've felt very handicapped since like I can't walk well without being in pain, running is a definite No. Yesterday I had a very crap day like nothing happened but I just wanted to hide away and just felt so low so I stayed in half the day and cried in bed I didn't answer or text anyone of my phone just let it ring or whatever was going on. Today Ive just been thinking "Soly whats up dude?" and just been thinking why I feel like this. Here's the thing I've realised having this injury hampered my ability to do stuff like I can walk but not very well, if I tried to run I would be in a lot of pain and not run very well and I think its the story of my life at the moment like things might be great in some areas but there's a real handicap in one area which is affecting me in general and just making me internally struggle and feel very lost inside the deep wells of emotions and thoughts. I'm finding it very hard too like just the mood swings and the last 48 hours have kinda been like the hardest but today while heading home I was listening to How He Loves Us the Jesus Culture version and I was reminded of God love for me and I'm going to hold on to that love with all I've got as somehow that I will never understand God works all things to the good of those who love him.

What life I have in Christ

The last 6 -7 weeks of my life have been a bit of blur with my emotions flying all over the place and just not knowing to do with myself and everything I was carrying emotionally and mentally. Everything changed about a week and a half ago. I went to Newday (a youth conference run by New Frontiers) feeling very dry in everyway you can feel dry as a christian and if I'm honest the only reason I went was because I actually couldn't say no to the people who asked me to go (You know who you are). Throughout the week not only did I meet more people but started to patch somethings with people too. Newday was a very emotion week for me and I have never cried so much in one week in all my life. A few things happened that angered me and at one point I thought "What's the point? I want to go home" but then I remember as I was packing all my stuff away It hit me why I was at Newday. It was to meet powerfully with God and I remember just saying in to myself  "I'm not here for no man, I'm here to meet with God and no one is stopping that". With that firmly in my heart and now my new attitude It went on to be an amazing week. Since then I now kinda know what I'm doing for the next year at least. Football has kind off come back on to the scene which is totally random but cool and I'm just awaiting my audition date for my Degree course but its all taking shape and I can say honestly the Best us yet to come in the World of Solomon Douglas.

His Love Endures

 

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up.

Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone?
And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.


Ruth 1:16-17
But Ruth said, "Do not urge me to leave you or turn back from following you; for where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God.

"Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. Thus may the LORD do to me, and worse, if anything but death parts you and me."


I Corinthians 13:1-13
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.


I John 4:7-19
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.

The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love. By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has seen God at any time; if we love one another, God abides in us, and His love is perfected in us. By this we know that we abide in Him and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit. We have seen and testify that the Father has sent the Son to be the Savior of the world. Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God.

We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this, love is perfected with us, so that we may have confidence in the day of judgment; because as He is, so also are we in this world.There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.

We love, because He first loved us.

Faith, Hope, and Love

The last the couple of week and a bit of my life have been a bit of a blur due to it just been completely covered in emotion. It wasn't till Monday on the way home from the Thanksgiving Service for my dear friend that passed away that I began to process everything that had happened in the last 3weeks (Just want to thank The Kerith Centre for catering for all the Fpers and just for an emotional but amazing day.) Since Monday there has really been a sense of hope in me like I still go through the emotional stuff which is expected but It's all in Gods hands. For a while now God has been teaching me how to love unconditionally no matter what was going on but just to love others as God loves us. For me it's been a massive challenge during this Fp year as I've been through so many relational difficulties which resulted with me walking away from a lot of people and just feeling very bitter. Since going to Mobilise (A New Frontiers Student and Twenties conference which is just really awesome (click here to see a few highlights of the conference this year. Might see a few familar faces hehe) God really begun to heal some of the open wounds and help me to get over a lot of the bitterness. I was really reminded of the work God was doing in me with all the hurt just going to watch Toy Story 3 with a bunch of Fpers earlier this week. It was an amazing film like Toy Story has always been one of my favourite films when on a lazy day just pigging out on Ben and Jerry's (aaahhh soo yummy!!!). The thing that really stood out to me was no matter what happened they were all in it together no matter what faced them and at times even went out of there way for one another (don't want to give the storyline away but it is a must see film trust me seen it 3 times so SICK!!). Even after getting home and talking to my Mum about the film she laid down a challenge by saying "Sol its good that your really getting what a strong Christian community is, but what about those closer to home".  I couldn't answer had nothing to that just walked up to my deep in thought and just said the one prayer I've Prayed so much which is "God you know.  I can honestly say my faith is now firmly routed for example last night I thought I'm going to go to a half night of prayer which I just got blown away at some the things that were said through other people just confirming stuff I've already heard before. Just to finish I can say is that I'm the one verse thats been on my heart is 1 Corinthians 13 verse 13 which reads;

  

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

I've shared this gem of a scripture with a lot of people and just whats God has challenged me with and it has blessed a lot of people to the point a friend put it as his Facebook status. I don't know what God's doing but he is in control and I'm gonna just see how it all pans out because all I know is I find rest in Him.

All to you I surrender

Who knew only 24hrs this picture was taken on a brilliant night with 20 amazing people what we were to face 24hrs later. Since being back in London I've gone through all the emotions you can go through from feeling angry to just feeling so cold and empty. Last week Monday to Thursday was especially difficult all I could to was cry and just think "God Why?". It led to taking long walks in the earlier hours of the morning or just sitting in bed just crying. I've spent a lot of time with the awesome guys from FP and its been amazing. Brett our base leader has just been such a father to us all from coming up to Wales to support us to opening up his house for us all one evening which was amazing. For me I struggled with it all just the grief of losing a friend and another dear friend in hospital and just trying to understand "Why God?" but this last week I've just had to almost teach myself again that God knows and I'm a small human and will never understand because He is infinitely more than I can ever comprehend.  I keep having this picture in my head of a me and God trying to rest his arm on me and bring me close but each time he does I push him away or turn away but the funny thing is with this vision I keep having is that God just keeps going on coming and eventually I give in and go in for a cuddle of comfort from him. So this week Friday after giving my statement to police I sat by myself in Queens Road Wimbledon Church pulling myself together and I said "God I surrender, I'm hurting let your will be done only you know what to do" and with that I couldn't finish my little prayer because I had a phone call saying people were going out for lunch but like I began to feel a tad better like it wasn't much but it still was something. Since just surrendering everything I've began to feel better like Obliviously sometime its gets hard and I cry till I'm outer of tears but I know I have a hope that I will See Annie again in heaven and it will be in Heaven and I've begun to thank God for her life from the 1st time I met her at Newday 2007 then meeting her again doing FP year and growing in relationship over the year (Check out some of the Tributes that have been written about Annie or write your own by clicking this link). God is now in control so it's time to sit back relax and enjoy the ride.

Whats to do?.....There's no point but God only you know

Since last week there has been a lot of people I cut out my life trying to see how I'm doing and all the rest and It's just like why now? For me personally I just want to put on my headphones, wear my glasses and ignore them completely. Last night I began to think after a bit of an argument that left me feeling angry. TI he one thought kept running through my head and its just kept playing in my head all day today "Since October this whole thing has been going on, attempts to sort it failed or if it was half sorted it was with the notion things are going to be weird for a while, I walk away for the final time have a tragic accident in which I lose a friend and its all Soly you alright. Get on your horse and jog on don't need it despite the accident Nothing has changed". When it comes to it I can honestly say I've just gone on with my life pressed into God and just got used to not having them in my life and if anything forgotten about them because I've focused on my Fp family which relationally has helped get over them. 

If I think back God challenged me to live in unconditional love and stuff of which im trying to do but I can't. I look at Jesus's life and just how he was still able to go to Peter and stuff like nothing had happened and use him to be one of the first Christian Martyrs even though he denied ever knowing Jesus 3 times in Jesus's greatest hour of needed someone by his side. Or even the story of Joseph how he was his sold in to slavery by his brothers but in the end he was united with his brothers as Prime Minister of Egypt. To be honest the only people I need in my life are my family, Fp Family and a handful of others when it comes to anyone else I don't know but with God sending challenges I don't know what I can do but say father I don't have a clue with anything at the moment but only you know and I'm just gonna trust in you for I know you work all things for the good of those who love you.