Don't even know anymore but whatever....God help me

The Journey is not easy

At the moment life should be brilliant but it's not. Like I'm studying music and it's pretty much like one massive jam because all the best musicians and singer doing my course are christian so its just a brilliant environment to be in. I'm also signed to a football club on a youth development contract and its going very well and from that got several big clubs interested in me. Last week Saturday I got injured playing football within 15mins of the match. I sustained ligament damage in my right ankle after a nasty challenge. I've felt very handicapped since like I can't walk well without being in pain, running is a definite No. Yesterday I had a very crap day like nothing happened but I just wanted to hide away and just felt so low so I stayed in half the day and cried in bed I didn't answer or text anyone of my phone just let it ring or whatever was going on. Today Ive just been thinking "Soly whats up dude?" and just been thinking why I feel like this. Here's the thing I've realised having this injury hampered my ability to do stuff like I can walk but not very well, if I tried to run I would be in a lot of pain and not run very well and I think its the story of my life at the moment like things might be great in some areas but there's a real handicap in one area which is affecting me in general and just making me internally struggle and feel very lost inside the deep wells of emotions and thoughts. I'm finding it very hard too like just the mood swings and the last 48 hours have kinda been like the hardest but today while heading home I was listening to How He Loves Us the Jesus Culture version and I was reminded of God love for me and I'm going to hold on to that love with all I've got as somehow that I will never understand God works all things to the good of those who love him.

It's a New Season

I feel as though there is a new season about to birthed in my life like I'm moving into a season of Just an amazing time with God. This week I was down in Brighton for a conference called Together on a mission which splits down into the Leadership side of the conference for Church leaders etc and Mobilise which is for Students and is what I went to.

I went into the week feeling its going to another conference but if anything I looking forward to getting away from London and just wanting to reflect on life and stuff but man did I meet with God. On the very first night in the main session Terry Virgo done an amazing talk and practically it felt like I was sitting in a room by myself and he was talking directly to me. He talked about hurt and pain that you get in Church life and some people are even on the verge of leaving. He called a response at the end and I went forward and stuff and as I got prayed for I just began to cry like nothing like I had been holding on to a lot of stuff that had happened in the past and like in that moment I knew I had to forgive so crying my eyes out and all snotty nosed (and still looking cool) I began to forgive and let go of stuff. After starting the week on that note the following days were about learning to trust God and just soaking in His presence, dancing like King David in worship times and enjoying fellowship with people and meeting new people. But for me the biggest thing at conference was what God said to me which I will mention later in this place.

Since getting back I've been looking at myself and just thinking about my life and just seeing what God is doing. Two things I've noticed is that for a good 2months, my general busyness in life has just slowed down like I have few projects here and there but I still manage to busy myself somehow. In life we sometimes are busy with everything like it's all just one big noise but as Christians God want us to slow down take time out and just seek his face. In Psalm 46 verse 10 it reads;

Be Still and know that I am God

Something in life we are so busy and we get worked up and worried about stuff that what we need to do instead of saying God where are you the attitude we need to have is exactly what the verse sense just to be still and know he is God of everything your going through, everything your worried about and just know he is in charge of your life. For me the biggest thing that God done this week was tell me to go back to where I left. He also reminded me that Christianity isn't a one man walk but it's a deeper than that and its all based on community. I thought about it loads like I was like NO! not a chance but there were 3 prophetic words about the changing of seasons and feeling uncomfortable about stuff in life but just trusting in God to pull you through.Today was a hard 1st step and felt very uncomfortable but it will get better.