What life I have in Christ

The last 6 -7 weeks of my life have been a bit of blur with my emotions flying all over the place and just not knowing to do with myself and everything I was carrying emotionally and mentally. Everything changed about a week and a half ago. I went to Newday (a youth conference run by New Frontiers) feeling very dry in everyway you can feel dry as a christian and if I'm honest the only reason I went was because I actually couldn't say no to the people who asked me to go (You know who you are). Throughout the week not only did I meet more people but started to patch somethings with people too. Newday was a very emotion week for me and I have never cried so much in one week in all my life. A few things happened that angered me and at one point I thought "What's the point? I want to go home" but then I remember as I was packing all my stuff away It hit me why I was at Newday. It was to meet powerfully with God and I remember just saying in to myself  "I'm not here for no man, I'm here to meet with God and no one is stopping that". With that firmly in my heart and now my new attitude It went on to be an amazing week. Since then I now kinda know what I'm doing for the next year at least. Football has kind off come back on to the scene which is totally random but cool and I'm just awaiting my audition date for my Degree course but its all taking shape and I can say honestly the Best us yet to come in the World of Solomon Douglas.

God...........................I Just got to trust you

As I write this post I cry. This time last week I had just got to Wales to have a week of fun and rest with my Fp base after a long and intense year. By the end of the week I lost a dear friend and another was and still is in a critical state in hospital. For me physically I'm sore got bruising,cuts and other bits of physical damage but the emotional pain I feel is of a different level to anything I have ever experienced.

Since I've got back to London all I've been doing is questioning and shouted at God like "Why God, you gave her promises over her life and you took her, you know what you should have taken me what would have been the difference but you took her. When it was your best mate you brought him back to life!" I just felt angry and bitter began to question and say "Where is God in all this?". Then yesterday it hit me on the train to Kingston. I am Human, God is God its a done deal like there is no need to try and understand what God's reason for letting things happen only He is knows. Since then I just felt clueless on what to do and just began to cry and think "What is the point like I can't understand" but God does and I just got to hold on to him with everything I've got. As a musician I've been twiddling around on a lot instruments because I just want to process the way I feel, a way I can glorify God in this moment and a way my dear friend can be remembered. I remembered the song "How He Loves Us" that was written by John Mark McMillan but rose to fame by Jesus Culture. He too like me lost a dear friend in a car crash and felt disillusioned and angry but he gave it to God and in the that dark time he wrote the song. I can feel a song in me but I'm laying it down, God I'm trusting in you.

It's a New Season

I feel as though there is a new season about to birthed in my life like I'm moving into a season of Just an amazing time with God. This week I was down in Brighton for a conference called Together on a mission which splits down into the Leadership side of the conference for Church leaders etc and Mobilise which is for Students and is what I went to.

I went into the week feeling its going to another conference but if anything I looking forward to getting away from London and just wanting to reflect on life and stuff but man did I meet with God. On the very first night in the main session Terry Virgo done an amazing talk and practically it felt like I was sitting in a room by myself and he was talking directly to me. He talked about hurt and pain that you get in Church life and some people are even on the verge of leaving. He called a response at the end and I went forward and stuff and as I got prayed for I just began to cry like nothing like I had been holding on to a lot of stuff that had happened in the past and like in that moment I knew I had to forgive so crying my eyes out and all snotty nosed (and still looking cool) I began to forgive and let go of stuff. After starting the week on that note the following days were about learning to trust God and just soaking in His presence, dancing like King David in worship times and enjoying fellowship with people and meeting new people. But for me the biggest thing at conference was what God said to me which I will mention later in this place.

Since getting back I've been looking at myself and just thinking about my life and just seeing what God is doing. Two things I've noticed is that for a good 2months, my general busyness in life has just slowed down like I have few projects here and there but I still manage to busy myself somehow. In life we sometimes are busy with everything like it's all just one big noise but as Christians God want us to slow down take time out and just seek his face. In Psalm 46 verse 10 it reads;

Be Still and know that I am God

Something in life we are so busy and we get worked up and worried about stuff that what we need to do instead of saying God where are you the attitude we need to have is exactly what the verse sense just to be still and know he is God of everything your going through, everything your worried about and just know he is in charge of your life. For me the biggest thing that God done this week was tell me to go back to where I left. He also reminded me that Christianity isn't a one man walk but it's a deeper than that and its all based on community. I thought about it loads like I was like NO! not a chance but there were 3 prophetic words about the changing of seasons and feeling uncomfortable about stuff in life but just trusting in God to pull you through.Today was a hard 1st step and felt very uncomfortable but it will get better.