First time I've blogged in like 3 years, this feels so surreal. I've just really felt to start blogging again just to get some thoughts down as a release to myself. Lately a lot of things have happened and I have caused a lot of hurt and frustration to the people closest to me. Tonight after seeing and praying with a friend I felt heavily convicted hence this post.

As the body of Christ, we are called to live in community with one another. The idea of people watching us or knowing about the sin in our lives can often make us feel uncomfortable. Being known by others and being held accountable is necessary however, not only to meet our basic relationship needs, but also to afford us a measure of safety from the enemy’s devices.

Ananias and Sapphira had a well-known problem. They lied about giving all the proceeds from the sale of their property to the church. Judgment came because they pretended to be something they weren’t. Playing a role to imitate the sincerity of those around them (Acts 4:34-37), they forgot that God knows the true condition of our hearts (Proverbs 24:12).

Believers who take seriously the presence of the Holy Spirit living in them recognize the following:

Transparency means…

• Pursuing “holiness and sincerity in all our dealings” (2 Corinthians 1:12).

• Being honest with others about where we are spiritually (Ephesians 4:25).

• A willingness to be admonished by those who love us (Proverbs 27:6).

Tinted windows may keep our cars cooler by allaying the sweltering summer heat, but tinted lives leave us open to the enemy.

It ain't easy but its gonna be worth it

It's been a very long while since my last blog post but been so busy with life but now kinda realised that I gotta slow down my busyness has been affecting my health,emotions and just my general well-being. Life is ok I suppose if anything it feels as though I'm climbing a mountain got so many things on at the moment and trying to juggle things and please people fails you just end up making things worse that your trying to sort out, If anything the best I've realised and it hit me last night at like 3:17 this morning is the only person you should be worried about pleasing is God. You please him you please everyone. For me personally I really feel I've slipped when it comes to certain situations and if I'm honest I feel like what is the point but just reading the story of Paul and other disciples how the stuff they went through just built up their character and how they kept persevering through everything gives me a hope. One of the most difficult parts of the Christian life is the fact that becoming a disciple of Christ does not make us immune to life’s trials and tribulations. Why would a good and loving God allow us to go through such things as the death of a child, disease and injury to ourselves and our loved ones, financial hardships, worry and fear? Surely, if He loved us, He would take all these things away from us. After all, doesn’t loving us mean He wants our lives to be easy and comfortable? Well, no, it doesn’t. The Bible clearly teaches that God loves those who are His children and He “works all things together for good” for us (Romans 8:28). So that must mean that the trials and tribulations He allows in our lives are part of the working together of all things for good. Therefore, for the believer, all trials and tribulations must have a divine purpose.

As in all things, God’s ultimate purpose for us is to grow more and more into the image of His Son (Romans 8:29). This is the goal of the Christian, and everything in life, including the trials and tribulations, is designed to enable us to reach that goal. It is part of the process of sanctification; that is, being set apart for God’s purposes and fitted to live for His glory. The way the trials accomplish this is explained in 1 Peter 1:6-7: "In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which perishes, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ." The true believer’s faith will be made sure by the trials we experience so that we can rest in the knowledge that it is real and will last forever.

Trials develop godly character, and that enables us to "rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us” (Romans 5:3-5). Jesus Christ set the perfect example. "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8). These verses point out aspects of His divine purpose for both Jesus Christ's trials and tribulations and ours. Persevering proves our faith. "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13).

At the same time, we must be careful never to make excuses for our "trials and tribulations" if they are a result of our own wrongdoing. "By no means let any of you suffer as a murderer, or thief, or evildoer, or a troublesome meddler" (1 Peter 4:15). God will forgive our sins because the eternal punishment for them has been paid by Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. However, we still have to suffer the natural consequences in this life for our sins and bad choices. But God uses even those sufferings to mold and shape us for His purposes and our ultimate good.

Trials and tribulations come with both a purpose and a reward. "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life, which the Lord has promised to those who love Him" (James 1:2-4,12).

Through all of life’s trials and tribulations, we have the victory. "But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord, Jesus Christ." These verses encourage us to see that although we are in a spiritual battle, Satan has no authority over the believer in Christ. God has given us His Word to guide us, His Holy Spirit to enable us, and the privilege of coming to Him anywhere, at any time, to pray about anything. He has also assured us that no trial will test us beyond our ability to bear it, and “he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it” (1 Corinthians 10:13).

I'm Moving Forward

Wow it's been a while since I've been on here and I now I feel I'm ready to blog again. The last couple of months have been a bit of blur like Woah!! have they flown by and honestly I can't believe how much has happened. For the last couple of months I've been in the wilderness with God and at times it's been very hard but I now know its happened for a reason. In this period God taught me to persevere during the really tough times but also to let go of the past and look forward to the future I have in him. I've been 20 for two weeks now and I've really just been reflecting on my life and looking ahead. For me a lot has happened to me this year that has left feeling very broken at times but thinking about sometimes when God has big plans for you he has to put you through some stuff and leave you feeling broken before putting his foundations in you and building you up to be all that He made you to be. The next 10 years of my life are going to very important in every aspect of life but I know just based on this year alone that no matter what happens I will be with Jesus every step of the way.

The Journey is not easy

At the moment life should be brilliant but it's not. Like I'm studying music and it's pretty much like one massive jam because all the best musicians and singer doing my course are christian so its just a brilliant environment to be in. I'm also signed to a football club on a youth development contract and its going very well and from that got several big clubs interested in me. Last week Saturday I got injured playing football within 15mins of the match. I sustained ligament damage in my right ankle after a nasty challenge. I've felt very handicapped since like I can't walk well without being in pain, running is a definite No. Yesterday I had a very crap day like nothing happened but I just wanted to hide away and just felt so low so I stayed in half the day and cried in bed I didn't answer or text anyone of my phone just let it ring or whatever was going on. Today Ive just been thinking "Soly whats up dude?" and just been thinking why I feel like this. Here's the thing I've realised having this injury hampered my ability to do stuff like I can walk but not very well, if I tried to run I would be in a lot of pain and not run very well and I think its the story of my life at the moment like things might be great in some areas but there's a real handicap in one area which is affecting me in general and just making me internally struggle and feel very lost inside the deep wells of emotions and thoughts. I'm finding it very hard too like just the mood swings and the last 48 hours have kinda been like the hardest but today while heading home I was listening to How He Loves Us the Jesus Culture version and I was reminded of God love for me and I'm going to hold on to that love with all I've got as somehow that I will never understand God works all things to the good of those who love him.

Faith, Hope, and Love

The last the couple of week and a bit of my life have been a bit of a blur due to it just been completely covered in emotion. It wasn't till Monday on the way home from the Thanksgiving Service for my dear friend that passed away that I began to process everything that had happened in the last 3weeks (Just want to thank The Kerith Centre for catering for all the Fpers and just for an emotional but amazing day.) Since Monday there has really been a sense of hope in me like I still go through the emotional stuff which is expected but It's all in Gods hands. For a while now God has been teaching me how to love unconditionally no matter what was going on but just to love others as God loves us. For me it's been a massive challenge during this Fp year as I've been through so many relational difficulties which resulted with me walking away from a lot of people and just feeling very bitter. Since going to Mobilise (A New Frontiers Student and Twenties conference which is just really awesome (click here to see a few highlights of the conference this year. Might see a few familar faces hehe) God really begun to heal some of the open wounds and help me to get over a lot of the bitterness. I was really reminded of the work God was doing in me with all the hurt just going to watch Toy Story 3 with a bunch of Fpers earlier this week. It was an amazing film like Toy Story has always been one of my favourite films when on a lazy day just pigging out on Ben and Jerry's (aaahhh soo yummy!!!). The thing that really stood out to me was no matter what happened they were all in it together no matter what faced them and at times even went out of there way for one another (don't want to give the storyline away but it is a must see film trust me seen it 3 times so SICK!!). Even after getting home and talking to my Mum about the film she laid down a challenge by saying "Sol its good that your really getting what a strong Christian community is, but what about those closer to home".  I couldn't answer had nothing to that just walked up to my deep in thought and just said the one prayer I've Prayed so much which is "God you know.  I can honestly say my faith is now firmly routed for example last night I thought I'm going to go to a half night of prayer which I just got blown away at some the things that were said through other people just confirming stuff I've already heard before. Just to finish I can say is that I'm the one verse thats been on my heart is 1 Corinthians 13 verse 13 which reads;

  

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

I've shared this gem of a scripture with a lot of people and just whats God has challenged me with and it has blessed a lot of people to the point a friend put it as his Facebook status. I don't know what God's doing but he is in control and I'm gonna just see how it all pans out because all I know is I find rest in Him.

All to you I surrender

Who knew only 24hrs this picture was taken on a brilliant night with 20 amazing people what we were to face 24hrs later. Since being back in London I've gone through all the emotions you can go through from feeling angry to just feeling so cold and empty. Last week Monday to Thursday was especially difficult all I could to was cry and just think "God Why?". It led to taking long walks in the earlier hours of the morning or just sitting in bed just crying. I've spent a lot of time with the awesome guys from FP and its been amazing. Brett our base leader has just been such a father to us all from coming up to Wales to support us to opening up his house for us all one evening which was amazing. For me I struggled with it all just the grief of losing a friend and another dear friend in hospital and just trying to understand "Why God?" but this last week I've just had to almost teach myself again that God knows and I'm a small human and will never understand because He is infinitely more than I can ever comprehend.  I keep having this picture in my head of a me and God trying to rest his arm on me and bring me close but each time he does I push him away or turn away but the funny thing is with this vision I keep having is that God just keeps going on coming and eventually I give in and go in for a cuddle of comfort from him. So this week Friday after giving my statement to police I sat by myself in Queens Road Wimbledon Church pulling myself together and I said "God I surrender, I'm hurting let your will be done only you know what to do" and with that I couldn't finish my little prayer because I had a phone call saying people were going out for lunch but like I began to feel a tad better like it wasn't much but it still was something. Since just surrendering everything I've began to feel better like Obliviously sometime its gets hard and I cry till I'm outer of tears but I know I have a hope that I will See Annie again in heaven and it will be in Heaven and I've begun to thank God for her life from the 1st time I met her at Newday 2007 then meeting her again doing FP year and growing in relationship over the year (Check out some of the Tributes that have been written about Annie or write your own by clicking this link). God is now in control so it's time to sit back relax and enjoy the ride.