All to you I surrender

Who knew only 24hrs this picture was taken on a brilliant night with 20 amazing people what we were to face 24hrs later. Since being back in London I've gone through all the emotions you can go through from feeling angry to just feeling so cold and empty. Last week Monday to Thursday was especially difficult all I could to was cry and just think "God Why?". It led to taking long walks in the earlier hours of the morning or just sitting in bed just crying. I've spent a lot of time with the awesome guys from FP and its been amazing. Brett our base leader has just been such a father to us all from coming up to Wales to support us to opening up his house for us all one evening which was amazing. For me I struggled with it all just the grief of losing a friend and another dear friend in hospital and just trying to understand "Why God?" but this last week I've just had to almost teach myself again that God knows and I'm a small human and will never understand because He is infinitely more than I can ever comprehend.  I keep having this picture in my head of a me and God trying to rest his arm on me and bring me close but each time he does I push him away or turn away but the funny thing is with this vision I keep having is that God just keeps going on coming and eventually I give in and go in for a cuddle of comfort from him. So this week Friday after giving my statement to police I sat by myself in Queens Road Wimbledon Church pulling myself together and I said "God I surrender, I'm hurting let your will be done only you know what to do" and with that I couldn't finish my little prayer because I had a phone call saying people were going out for lunch but like I began to feel a tad better like it wasn't much but it still was something. Since just surrendering everything I've began to feel better like Obliviously sometime its gets hard and I cry till I'm outer of tears but I know I have a hope that I will See Annie again in heaven and it will be in Heaven and I've begun to thank God for her life from the 1st time I met her at Newday 2007 then meeting her again doing FP year and growing in relationship over the year (Check out some of the Tributes that have been written about Annie or write your own by clicking this link). God is now in control so it's time to sit back relax and enjoy the ride.