As I write this post I cry. This time last week I had just got to Wales to have a week of fun and rest with my Fp base after a long and intense year. By the end of the week I lost a dear friend and another was and still is in a critical state in hospital. For me physically I'm sore got bruising,cuts and other bits of physical damage but the emotional pain I feel is of a different level to anything I have ever experienced.
Since I've got back to London all I've been doing is questioning and shouted at God like "Why God, you gave her promises over her life and you took her, you know what you should have taken me what would have been the difference but you took her. When it was your best mate you brought him back to life!" I just felt angry and bitter began to question and say "Where is God in all this?". Then yesterday it hit me on the train to Kingston. I am Human, God is God its a done deal like there is no need to try and understand what God's reason for letting things happen only He is knows. Since then I just felt clueless on what to do and just began to cry and think "What is the point like I can't understand" but God does and I just got to hold on to him with everything I've got. As a musician I've been twiddling around on a lot instruments because I just want to process the way I feel, a way I can glorify God in this moment and a way my dear friend can be remembered. I remembered the song "How He Loves Us" that was written by John Mark McMillan but rose to fame by Jesus Culture. He too like me lost a dear friend in a car crash and felt disillusioned and angry but he gave it to God and in the that dark time he wrote the song. I can feel a song in me but I'm laying it down, God I'm trusting in you.
No comments:
Post a Comment